An experience that I had this previous school year was with one of my students at Head Start. The little boy was 3-years-old and he was being raised by his mother. The little boy loved the color pink, loved playing with the girls, and loved putting on dress-up clothes, including the dresses. I didn't think much about this as my own son (4) likes the color pink and has a girl as his best friend. However, my assistant thought it was very odd behavior. She would make comments all the time saying, "I can't wait to see him in 10 years." One day he was playing in the art center and he begged a little girl to color his fingernails with markers. Again, my assistant made comments about him turning gay in the future. We did a parent-teacher conference and the mother brought up the fact that this child likes her to paint his nails. She said she just went with it and if he turns out gay in the future it would be ok. I hadn't really thought much about this but after learning about microaggressions I have thought of this child and my teacher assistant. I'm sure she didn't mean anything by her comments but her subtle comments implied that this child was going to be gay when he got older. She was using microinsults, microgender, and stereotyping him because he liked pink, dressing up, and painting his nails. It made me feel bad because my own child likes the color pink. I felt like by her assuming that this student will be gay then she was assuming my own son would be as well. I also felt worried because my son went to a preschool program and I was worried about what his teachers thought of him liking the color pink. It made me feel sad.
I have really learned a lot this week about hidden messages on things we say or how it affects other people, even if we don't mean anything by it. Words hurt. I am going to be more careful with my words and make sure that I try my best not to use microaggressions on anyone. This observation made me realize how quickly we can judge someone and we shouldn't. This boy was judged because he liked some things that girls like. We do not judge girls if they like the color blue or like playing with cars or trucks. We have to be careful about our actions.
Misty,
ReplyDeleteI have found that most little boys who are around girls a lot or have a strong female influence like to do things like that. There are at least two little 3/4 year old boys who let there sisters paint their nails. Yes I can see how that will raise an eyebrow, but they are young, let them experience life. What they decide to do when they get older is their life. Unfortunately in our society we are closed minded to things and stereotyping has become so common. Thank for your sharing
Misty,
ReplyDeleteI see teachers and parents can be using microaggression when they see their children in the classroom. I do not think for boys liking pink they will turn to be gays. I have observed how mothers get so upset with their little boys when they play in the House Area in the classroom, and they are playing with baby dolls. We know that when children use pretend play, they are just experiencing how it feel to be a mom, or a dad, or a police officer, etc. I sometimes let parents know, in our orientation, not to worry when they see boys playing with dolls, or girls playing with blocks. All children are learning different skills, and we need to let them explore in all areas. I see boys who like to play with dolls, as a great father in a future. I do not see them as future gays. I would not worry about your son liking pink. What we need to worry is how easy we can use microaggressions with people, and how we need to avoid this practice. It might be hard to accomplish, but not impossible.
Wow is all I can say to that. Could he just be a boy who loves his mother and because the children use the classroom to make sense of the real world and that is why they are dressing up and painting themselves?
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